Most people write one obituary in their life, for someone they loved, in the two or three days after that person died. There is no version of this that is easy. What follows is a structure, a fill-in template, and the parts people usually get stuck on.
An obituary does three jobs. It tells people that someone has died, it says who that person was, and it tells anyone who wants to attend the funeral when and where to come.
A death notice is the short version, often just a name, dates and service details. An obituary is longer and carries the life. Newspapers charge by the line for both, which is why so many are compressed.
Six parts, in this order. You do not need all six.
Announcement. Full name, age, city, and the date they died. Some families include the cause and many do not. There is no obligation to say.
Life. Where they were born, who their parents were, where they grew up, schooling, military service, career, marriage.
Character. What they were actually like. This is the part people remember and the part most obituaries skip.
Survived by. Immediate family who are living, usually spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, in that order.
Preceded in death by. Family who died before them, most often parents and a spouse.
Service details. Date, time and place of the funeral, wake, visitation or memorial service. Where to send flowers, or the charity the family has chosen instead.
Copy this, fill in the brackets, and change anything that does not sound like them. There is nothing to sign up for.
[Full name], [age], of [city, state], died on [date] at [place].
[He or She] was born on [date] in [city] to [parents' names]. [He or She] [education, military service, career in a sentence or two].
[Name] married [spouse] in [year]. [They had children, moved, built something, and so on.]
[Name] was [two or three specific things about them]. [He or She] [something they did that nobody else did].
[He or She] is survived by [spouse], [children and their spouses], [grandchildren], and [siblings]. [He or She] was preceded in death by [parents, spouse, or others].
A [funeral service, memorial service, celebration of life] will be held on [date] at [time] at [place, address]. [Visitation details if there is one.]
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to [charity].
Traditional, the kind newspapers print:
Margaret Ann Sullivan, 84, of Riverhead, New York, died on March 3, 2026, at Peconic Bay Medical Center.
She was born on June 12, 1941, in Queens to Thomas and Eileen Doyle. She graduated from St. John's University and taught fourth grade at Riley Avenue Elementary for thirty-one years.
She married Robert Sullivan in 1964. They raised three children in the house on Ostrander Avenue where she lived for the rest of her life.
Margaret is survived by her children Kathleen Sullivan-Ross (Michael), Thomas Sullivan (Anne) and Brian Sullivan; seven grandchildren; and her sister Patricia Doyle of Boston. She was preceded in death by her husband Robert and her parents.
A Funeral Mass will be held on Saturday, March 8 at 10:00 a.m. at St. Isidore's Church, Riverhead. Visitation Friday from 4 to 8 p.m. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Riverhead Free Library.
Warmer, the kind families write when nobody is charging by the line:
Margaret Sullivan taught fourth grade for thirty-one years and could still name every child who ever gave her trouble.
She died on March 3, at 84, in the town she never once considered leaving.
Margaret was born in Queens in 1941 and came out to Riverhead as a young teacher, which she always said was an accident she never got around to correcting. She married Bob in 1964. They raised Kathleen, Tommy and Brian in the house on Ostrander Avenue, where she stayed for sixty years and where the front door was never locked.
She kept a running tally of which grandchild had visited most recently and made sure everyone knew where they stood. She did the crossword in pen. She was suspicious of anyone who did not like dogs.
She is survived by her three children, seven grandchildren, and her sister Patricia. Bob went ahead of her in 2019, which she mentioned most days.
A Funeral Mass will be held on Saturday, March 8 at 10:00 a.m. at St. Isidore's Church. She would want you to come and she would want you to eat something afterwards.
Both say the same facts. The second one sounds like a person.
The character paragraph. People fall back on words like "loving" and "devoted" because they are true and safe, and because writing about someone in the past tense for the first time is hard.
Specific beats warm. "She was a devoted grandmother" tells a reader nothing. "She kept a running tally of who had visited most recently and made sure everyone knew it" tells them exactly who she was.
If you are stuck, answer these out loud and write down the answers:
You will not use all of it. One or two lines is enough.
Newspapers usually want 200 to 300 words and charge accordingly. Online there is no limit, and most families write 400 to 600.
Longer is not better. Read it aloud. If you get bored, cut.
The structure is the same, the weight is not.
For a mother or father, most of the writing is a whole life, and the hard part is compressing sixty or eighty years into a paragraph. Pick the decade that mattered most rather than covering all of them evenly.
For a grandmother or grandfather, the grandchildren usually want to be in it, and often want to help write it. Let them. The specific detail a nine-year-old remembers is better than anything you will come up with.
For a spouse, you are writing about your own life as much as theirs. Many people find it easier to let someone else draft it and then correct it.
For a child, there is no structure that helps and no advice worth giving. Say their name, say what they loved, say who they belonged to. That is enough.
This is the sentence people stall on. Common phrasings, none of which are obligatory:
Died peacefully at home, surrounded by family. Died unexpectedly. Died after a long illness. Died following a courageous battle with cancer. Passed away peacefully in her sleep. Went home to be with the Lord. Died at [hospital] on [date].
"Died" is plain and increasingly common. "Passed away" is gentler and still standard. Religious families often use language particular to their faith. Any of these is correct, and saying nothing about the circumstances is correct too.
No. It is entirely the family's choice. Many families say "died peacefully" or "died after a long illness" or nothing at all. Some choose to name it, particularly with an illness where they want to raise awareness or direct donations.
Usually a family member, sometimes with help from the funeral director. It does not have to be one person. Several people writing a paragraph each often produces something better than one person trying to cover everything.
Spouse first, then children with their spouses in brackets, then grandchildren by number or by name, then siblings. Include the towns people live in if you want distant relatives to be able to place them.
No. Obituaries are public, and an address plus a published funeral time tells anyone reading that the house will be empty. Send flowers through the funeral home instead.
The obituary is written and published. The eulogy is spoken at the service. The eulogy can be personal and rambling and funny in ways an obituary usually is not.
In a newspaper, rarely, and usually for a fee. Online it depends on where it is published. On a memorial page you can edit it whenever you like.
Newspapers. Local papers charge by the line or by the column inch, usually somewhere between $200 and $1,000 depending on the paper and the length. That buys you a fixed number of lines and no way to correct a mistake afterwards without paying again. Legacy.com carries most American newspaper obituaries and syndicates them.
The funeral home's website. Most funeral homes publish an obituary page for the families they serve. It carries the obituary and the service times. What it usually does not do is collect RSVPs, organize meals or let you message the guest list, which is why many families set up a memorial page as well.
A memorial page. Holds the obituary alongside the service details, photographs and an RSVP, on one link you can send to everybody. No word limit and no per-line charge.
Most families do more than one. The newspaper reaches people who still read it, and the online version reaches everyone else.
Roz & Morty includes an obituary builder that writes a first draft from a few details, alongside everything else a family needs in the days around a funeral.
See how it works